The beginning of a new romance is fresh, exciting and abuzz with sly smiles and an electrifying level of nerves.
Getting to know the ins and outs of another person on an emotional and mental level, and then getting to know the ins… and outs… of him physically (or screw it, some people do it the other way around), can be wildly exciting.
When your relationship turns physical, sex might start out subpar. It’s not guaranteed to be bad necessarily, but it’s guaranteed to be just like your first time trying almost anything: not as good as it could potentially be.
Rhythm must be found, and communication airwaves must be opened up. That first surrender holds within it the possibility of all the types of sex you might have in the future.
During the first year of your relationship, there are many.
New Partner, New Landscape Sex
This is the first type of sex you will have with a new partner.
Is this perhaps your first partner? Well, then, you’re in for some surprises. Maybe sex is way better than you imagined. Maybe it’s nowhere near as good as you’ve been led to believe. Hold fast, dear grasshopper, these are the thoughts of even the most seasoned sexual beings.
Sometimes, even those much more experienced will be thrown for a loop with a new partner. “Different than you imagined” does not necessarily have to be good or bad. It can, in fact, just be “different.”
This type of sex, which can last from just once to hundreds of times, is fueled by novelty and honeymoon-phase butterflies, both of which make it highly exciting.
It is also very much about finding your collective rhythm. You might bump heads or you might have awkward hip swivels, but you will move past it.
“By George, I think we’ve got it!” Sex
Holysh*tholysh*tholysh*t. This is the first time you really have sex with your partner. Okay, well, you had it before, but when you have it this time — you’ll know when it’s “this time”—, everything finally makes sense. Your bodies make sense together.
Instead of freestyle jamming (which is cool and all), you’ve started creating an effing symphony. Damn, is it good.
“Wow! That was great.” Sex
“We’ve had better, but I ain’t mad.” Sex
Sometimes, it’s just kind of “eh.” Yes, even if you’ve had good sex before, and even if you’re really into each other. Bodies aren’t always as responsive as you want them to be. Moods aren’t always as passionate as they are in 30-second cinema sex scenes.
Don’t let it stress you out. Assuming you’re young, there’s a good chance the best sex of your life is still to come! Get excited!
“God, I love you.” Sex
This starts to pop up when you fall in love with the person. If you had a romantic connection from the jump, you probably have feelings-driven sex fairly often.
Here, it gets deeper: There’s a good chance the strokes get slower. There’s a good chance the eye contact intensifies. It might get louder, or it might be breathy and filled with near-silent moans.
It’s hard to describe this type based on anything other than feelings and connection, though, which are almost dishonored by an attempt to put them into words.
“We mean business.” Sex
Even if you love someone, romantic sex might not always be on the menu. Maybe you just need to get off; maybe your partner does, too. Are you both just fulfilling a primal urge on this lovely evening? Better with your partner than someone else. I’m sure he would agree.
Sometimes, you bump heads. Cool. Sometimes, your bellies clap together. No biggie. Sometimes, you notice these things and laugh, making sex more of a fun and silly activity than a means to get your rocks off.
A huge mistake some people make is taking sex too seriously. Did you want X-rated movie sex, but ended up with evening sitcom sex, instead? Roll with it because if you can’t laugh with this person now, how are you going to laugh with him at any given inappropriate time (when it’s the most fun)?
“I didn’t know I’d be into that…” Sex
Oh, dang. How naughty do you feel? Trying new things is exciting, and what if you found out you’re into something super taboo? Roll. With. It.
Keep going. Keep exploring. As long as you’re not doing anything to your partner to which he did not consent, forage onward!
Maybe it’s something your friends have told you was gross or weird, or something that’s unpopular to love. Tell them to pipe down and eat it.
Pleasure is awesome. Find your own kinks.
“I didn’t know he’d be into that…” Sex
Remember how naughty but excited you felt when you found out you liked that thing other people maybe sort of kind of told you was weird to like in bed? Remember how your partner let you explore it?
Let him explore it, too. Even if it’s something you’re not 100 percent into sexually, as long as your partner isn’t doing it against your will, let him move forth. When you notice how turned on he gets, your tastes may very well expand.
Of course, the longer you’re with someone, the more dynamic your sex life has the potential to get. After a year, you could discover more… but I haven’t gotten that far yet.
Words – Gabrielle Saulsbery